I seem to have left my pride at pride
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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