Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
