just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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