the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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