New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Vodka?
Forever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
