Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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