you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
