Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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