next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
