wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize