I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
they're like a gay fantastic four
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize