got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize