I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
