my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
