So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
