Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
