You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
