So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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