Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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