i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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