Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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