she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize