Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
