mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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