my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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