the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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