She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
