The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
