Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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