Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
