I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize