forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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