I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
