I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
