Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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