Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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