How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
