EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
