Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
