I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The adults are the big ones right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
