Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
