It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
