im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
