sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
