at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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