You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
