But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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