I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the raccoons are back...
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