did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
