just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
