So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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