I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize