nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
