your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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