Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
