The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this boner is exhausting
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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