apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
