I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
