I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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