My room smells like vodka and shame
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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