I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
