She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
