How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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