I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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