you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
