she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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