Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize