I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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