somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
