i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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