There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
