very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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