We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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