i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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