Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
