Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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