the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
