So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
