haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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