U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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