If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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