we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
